Shelter In Place
We just want to start by saying that we hope, as you read this, that while under this Shelter In Place order, you are staying safe, sane and healthy during this crazy time. We can imagine that some of you are starting to, if not already there, going a bit stir-crazy.
Some of us even went from having just one job to now having three or four: babysitter, school teacher, boxing referee, Warden, SWAT commander… just to name a few!
We would also like to say that, while the tone of this blog is one of humor, we at
Elation Real Estate understand the gravity of the situation. We, by no means, are purposely making fun of anyone who is sick, of anyone who knows someone who is sick, or of someone who is otherwise affected by this pandemic. This is a terrible period in our lives and we hope with all of our hearts that a cure is found and this virus is contained way sooner than later. Our hearts go out to all of those affected by these trying times.
That said, we thought we’d highlight a few changes to a few rules that you might not be accustomed to just yet.
Some new rules
For starters… and this is a big one… the 5-second rule has been changed to 3-second rule! Please be aware. If you drop that Oreo cookie, that piece of popcorn, or that turkey leg, you’ve now only got three seconds to scoop it up as though nothing happened! Gotta be quick!
We have also been told that some laws in California have been loosened a little bit so that local restaurants are now allowed to serve alcohol to go! Yes, you heard me… alcohol to go. So, go ahead and order a glass of wine, a glass of champagne, or a cocktail with your To-Go order! In fact, might I suggest this order: One french fry and six pitchers of margaritas! Now, I know this goes without saying, but we’ll say it anyway… keep the drinks sealed until you get home!
Toilet Paper Craze
And can we not with all of the Toilet Paper? Please?? It’s getting a little out of control. Get this… we have a friend who received a birthday cake in the design of a roll of toilet paper! Really? And we saw another friend post that her house was Toilet-Papered and the value of the home jumped up to $2.7M! Sadly, we also heard the news of a GoFundMe account opened on behalf of an ever so unfortunate family… their dog, cute little thing, got into the closet and tore up every single roll of toilet paper they owned… essentially destroying their life savings. Heartbreaking!
Sports
Some of you are missing your Sports as well. We know! We’ve got an idea. One way to combat the Toilet Paper shortage and still cheer on your favorite sports team is to use your rival sports team’s T-Shirt if you ever run out of Toilet Paper! See, it’s a win-win.
Still, looking for something to do? Might we suggest a jigsaw puzzle? We would, however, strongly advise AGAINST a 3000 piece puzzle… especially when most of the pieces are all the same color! Let us sum it up in just one word… Chaos! Frustration! Disaster! Migraine! Insanity! Madness! Impossibility! Armageddon! Mass hysteria! Ok, did we say, “One word”? Ok, so maybe more like 10!
Closing
Let us offer one final piece of advice. We suggest that you periodically try on your jeans to make sure they still fit. The elastic on your pajamas could be misleading, and you don’t want any surprises once the shelter is lifted!
In closing, we would like to share this
video from Officer Ryan Tujague of the
Pleasanton Police Department with a few Do’s and Do Not’s during this Shelter in Place.
In all seriousness, please be safe and be healthy. Wash your hands every chance you get, only go out for the essentials, and keep your social distance. This will all be over soon.
If that is still not enough, and you just gotta get out of here and move to West Virginia, where there have only been 20 reported cases, or even to another country like Belize, which is beautiful and only has 1 reported case, we would be happy to sell your home for you!! We are here for you!
